Sunday, December 8, 2013

A Lonely Masturbator - Part 1

Gaming vs Browsing

I was studying 7th Standard (probably in the year 2001). Yuvaraj, Makesh and myself used to go to nearby Computer Center (VKGB Internet) to play Video games (most of the time, Doom). We used to give money to the cafe owner for an hour and say "game". He will make us sit in a system and there will be game icons in Desktop. Clicking on them open up the game. Those times, we had no idea on what Desktop, Icon and My Computer are.
I still remember my friend Karthik who opened up "My Computer" accidentally and found 3.5 Floppy drive in it and told me. I was so curious to explore it, but didnt have guts to open it myself for some time.
But there comes few people who pay more or less the same money and say "Browsing". Then both the customer and owner puts up a weird smile in their faces. The owner makes them sit in a system, just like he do with us, except he closes the curtain behind them. By that time, I was little curious on what "Browsing" is about, but the moment I enter into the Centre, my mind get sooo filled with Doom, that I forget everything else.

But after some time, I remember one Sunday, when I went there alone and asked the Cafe owner, what "Browsing" is about. Is it even more gory, action game or what? He smiled at me and told that I will get to know about it later and for now, to continue with games. Little disappointed, I came back.

Tales of Online Nudity

Back in school, few of my friends started telling tales of completely NUDE girls that they see in Computer Centers. As time passes, "FEW" turned to "MOST". Most of my friends had at least one experience with this online things. Few shared it openly and few hide it, for they felt shame and feel it as a sin.

I was much curious on this. I wanted to see nude girls myself (and their funny naughty activities that my friends describe), atleast just once, but some how, I know ITS A SIN and I refrained from it. I even controlled myself from hearing the tales that my friends tell. Some even forced me to hear things, but I did my level best to be away from these sinful things and be good (in my early perspective).

Even my neighborhood friends started telling similar stories. But as a good boy, I always advised them not to see these wrong things in Internet, for it is SIN to do so.

But all this hype created by my friends, indirectly answered me one thing. What "browsing" in VKGB is all about !!!

My thoughts on SEX

I was a big religious, god-believing boy at those times (My recent friends might not believe it. But that is how I was in my child hood) and I clearly know by my heart that SEX IS SIN. I didnt even had guts to spell the word S. E. X at those times.

But as a enthusiastic kid, I try to learn and gain knowledge on all things starting from God, Earth, Universe, Stars, Sky, to Sex. Those times, I even had a wonderful model of earth, which is both Spherical and Flat, when my idea of UP/DOWN is screwed by my excellent (get mark, no knowledge) Education system.
Believe me or not, I havn't had much thoughts on Sex those times. But I always wondered on the "First Night", "How babies are formed?". Every time, I see the following sequence in any movie:
A girl takes a glass (or Sombu) of milk and enters a room with a nice bed decorated with flowers, and our Hero waiting inside. Nice music starts, "nam thana, nam thana,... ". But suddenly, either the light goes off, or either they shut the door.
I was like "WHAT THE FUCK !!! What do they do after that?". It remained a BIG SUSPENSE for long years. But just like my spherical flat Earth model, I had a theory of what they will be doing in First Night, which evolved bit by bit, until I got to know the real picture, several years later.

  1. Theory 1: The couple will kiss the whole night and the girl will get baby after 10 months from her Stomach (probably by cutting through operation)
  2. Theory 2: They also hug each other tightly and the girl will get baby after 10 months.
  3. Theory 3: They probably, get off their clothes, hug tightly and kiss. (Though this is hard for myself to believe first, few tips from the stories told by my friends made this to be a logical conclusion) This is the theory I believed for long time.

First time hearings on Masturbation

Myself and few other friends went to a common friend's home to play. We went to terrace and started chatting. When one guy said, "Guys. Listen to me, Important matter. One bro nearby my house told me.... !!! When you shake your Kunju (Penis in Tamil) vigorously for like 30 minutes something white will come out of it."

Other friend, "dai naaye, nalla oru full bottle water kudi, automaticca you will get Urine in sometime" (Dog, Drink one full bottle water and you will get Urine automatically)

The Enlightened: "Loose I am not talking about Urine. But something else, some sort of liquid."

Others, "Cut your crap".

As for myself, I never engage in such talks and I believed it not moral and I might go to hell !!!

But the curiosity in me is taking over me. I want to know more, get more knowledge on all this things, wanted to experiment myself first.

My First Masturbation (in Vain)

I dont even know the term Masturbation nor the Tamil equivalent of it. But I wanted to experiment and find if what the Enlightened told is true. But I was thinking If its right to try out such experiments? what if its wrong? Am I supposed to touch down there for reasons other than Urinating and washing during bath? What if Mom or dad found out? What If my friends came to know about this? Sooo much questions? But I know I can execute this plan without anyone'e knowledge and I promised myself that I will do this just once, just for the sake of experiment.

One fine day, I go to Toilet when no one is in home, takes out my Jhonny from my trousers and started shaking it. But then a doubt arises, Should I do up/down or sideways. DAMN !!! The enlightened friend didnt told about that and it didnt strike me before. Not a problem. Let me try in all ways. But as time goes, the curiosity level goes down and fear and guilty factors rise. I remember him say 30 minutes. But not even 10 minutes passed, I got so tense and stopped the experiment as I was so frightened and also could see nothing happening.

But I was not disappointed, as I concluded that my friend is not Enlightened and the mistake is on me for believing him and did an insanely EVIL, SINFUL, stupid act.

PS: As its obvious for me that I have enough content to write 10 posts on this topic, I am stopping here. Will continue in upcoming posts.

Old Content Posted first on (8/12/2013)

At the start of this year, I wrote few posts on the so called Indian Culture. In the same spirit, I also had much to share on few things, which is considered Taboo in my country, but which plays a vital role in the life of people of my age.

But I had absolutely zero guts to write on it. Still I don't feel confident on writing this. Thats why this  empty post with the RIGHT TITLE.

Hope I will get enough courage soon, to write on this topic :-) :D

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Cycling with a Stranger at midnight


I was en route to my Uncle's home near Avadi in my Cycle. Time is around 11.30 PM. Very much tired from the busy day, which started with Swimming (practise) in early morning with Vivek Ramaraj and ended with Sapling Distribution in a Reception near Porur with Surya, Lakshmanan, Anand Kumar (Green Warriors of Chennai Social Service), Karan and Radhika (New Joins in CSS, working in L & T). Because of both my Cycle condition and my Body condition, I was riding at what I consider as medium Pace.

An Empty Road

I was cycling in Avadi - Poonamallee High road all alone. There were few vehicles passing now and then. In a distant, I could saw a lonely Pedestrian walking by slowly in the left side of the road. As I pedalled slowly, I am nearing him. In a couple of minutes, I crossed him when he called me, "thambi..." (brother).

I stopped and replied, "yes, tell…"

Ride with a Stranger and My crazy thoughts

Stranger: "Have you seen any hotels while on the way?"

"hmmmm…. No, All shops were closed as its already 11.30 PM"

"oh… !!!", he told and stood still.

I wanted to help him, though I was wondering If its fine to help him, he being a total stranger and keeping in mind, the time. But then I asked "Are you hungry?"

"yes bro. Came to Chennai for some work. Got too late, missed Dinner and now here I am, searching for food in mid - night"

Without thinking I told, "fine. Join me. I will be going forward few kilometres. May be we could find some hotel. But only If you could ride, since I am little tired to take on doubles."

He was so happy and took my Cycle and started pedalling. I sat in the back. Then only I started asking myself, "What I am doing? I should havn't done this. What if he going to beat me up and take my belongings? What if his gang is waiting some 100 metres front, waiting for the pray? What if he a Gay rapist? (We live in `India`) What if... What if…"

I got seriously tensed, solely based on my imagination, took up my phone, typed in 100, but didn't dial, though I am ready to dial anytime, if things go wrong.

Made a plan in mind itself. He is a heavy build, Can crush me very easily, but I believe I have more Stamina and can run away easily and also call 100 and request for help. Then, I was running a simulation inside my mind on the execution of plan, when he interrupted, "Where you going at this time, brother?"

"I am going to my Uncle's home. We might have travelled more half a km, but no shops. I guess we couldn't find any at this time." (Hoping he will stop and go back in his way)

"yeah Possibly, Lets see..", he didn't care and kept pedalling.

I was saying to myself, "Curse me, I should never have stopped in the first place" and to him, "Brother, We came little far, How can you go back then, it might be hard" (with the full intention of convincing him to stop cycle and go back).

"No problem brother. If we find a hotel, I can eat and stay there itself. I will get a bus in morning to go back."

"okay." Then both of us were completely silent for few minutes, I am in high alert mode, prepared to run and dial 100 anytime.

He again broke the silence, "I think we came too far, no hotels unfortunately. There is a shed there. I will just go there and sleep. Thanks for the ride."

I got very much relieved, but felt very shameful over my totally insane thoughts of such a kind person. Then, I said, "ok. Take care" and left


I was then introspecting the whole incident, the insecure feeling that I had over a fellow citizen, mainly because of the night time. I had discussions with such strangers at even later times. But never had a ride together and one another difference is, during previous encounters, I would have a maximum of Rs. 100 and a Basic phone. But this time, I had around Rs. 3000 in pocket and a Smart phone, which is why I worried more.

Still, I don't know whether to change myself and be a better human next time, or avoid strangers at such times. Because I can't be sure if he is one among the majority or he is one among the Exceptions.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Is it for Real? I wish NO

It happens occasionally, that I get to see you in my dreams and wish that the dream be true and the reality be a dream. But in all those dreams, except the recent one, things were much smoother, joyful and the dreams got punched into my mind as some real positive memories with you. Though I never got a chance to hang out with you, even in dreams :P
On those mornings, after I wake from the `real` dreams, I wonder if Telepathy / ESP actually is true and you are conveying your joy with me.

But yesterday, it was very different. It was totally unexpected. It was horrible. It was a NIGHTMARE, which seemed SO real. But I wish now, Telepathy / ESP be well damned and its nothing but an empty dream, inside my void Brain.

And of course, I take this as a signal to start writing the remaining episodes !!!

Wish All is well there !!! Stay happy, Live your Life :-)

Friday, August 30, 2013

Zombie Strokes 3D - Review

Cross Posted from

Its been around 2 years since I moved away from Hard Core PC Gaming to online Flash games / mobile games. As a mobile game developer, I am now completely into mobile gaming, especially Android games, with my latest acquisition of Motorola Atrix 2.

There are quite a large number of games that I played in my mobile in past 6 months. But the latest one which I am playing around day and night is a special one and so posting about it in here.

Get the game for free @

Zombie Strokes 3D, a grand Survival Horror Game

The Visual and Audio Quality is definitely of International Standards. Full Credits to direction of Deepak Aravind; technical guru, Arvind Sudarshan; our awesome artists, Angelina Albert, Rakesh Krishnan and Anand Kumar; Our excellent QA Team, Shyam and Tiru and our Company pillars Sree and Mohan.

You are trapped in a haunted room with just a zombie hand. Gameplay is very simple and straight forward. You need to run away from the cruel zombie and save yourself as long as possible. Death is inevitable, but how long you survive, matters !!
The Intense visuals combined with audio will make your heartbeat pump up for real

Download for Free
Get the game for free @

Horros Continue... !!!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Exhaustive but Awesome Weekend - Part 2

Coastal Cleanup

Woke up at 4.30 AM and gave wake up call to Lakshmanan and Surya. Our plan is to meet in Besant Nagar Beach at 5.45 AM for the CTC's Coastal Cleanup Drive. I started at 5:00 AM from home and Surya joined me in his Cycle. The road was completely empty and we rushed through to Besant Nagar and reached there sharply at 6:00 AM. Lakshmanan came just before we arrived.
Beach Beach Beach :D

There was a small Briefing by CTC volunteer on the cleanup and then Bags and Gloves were distributed. We equipped ourselves with the provided kit and started engaging the Garbage. Soon like in half an hour, I got too tired to pick things up, but didnt say a word to the guys, so as not to sound discouraging. Another half an hour passed and we collected around 4 baggages of Garbage, segregated into bags of Light Plastics, Hard Plastics and Others. Its past 7:00 AM and my tiredness overwhelmed my determination and I declared my intention of stopping and leaving. Lakshmanan and Surya agreed.

Army of Volunteers

We sat there for some time enjoying the early morning Sun in Beach. The Beach was completely surrounded with Volunteers that day, where one swarm of Volunteers swiped through the Huts and cleaning towards Tiruvanmiyur and another bunch was deeply exploring into Broken Bridge region. It all looked and felt like an Army of Soldiers going to war.

My another friend, Praveen came little late, but we couldn't find each other in mid of all this Army. So, he started picking in a separate place.

Lakshmanan and Surya After Cleanup

Lakshmanan and Surya Edge of Broken Bridge

Then we decided to visit Broken Bridge and went there. Took some snaps there, and we dared ourselves to jump down the Broken Bridge despite our tiredness. There was a small pillar at the end of broken bridge which helped us to jump down and later climb up the bridge with little effort.

After all the fun in Broken Bridge we left the place around 8.30 AM.

Cycling Back and Adyar Banyan Tree

Since both of us, myself and Surya were much tired, we cycled slowly to home and reached Saidapet by 10. While on the way, Alagappan called and asked if we could setup a Garden in his home today. We were discussing on the same for past couple of weeks and since we didnt get time in the past, we were postponing it.

But I decided not to postpone anymore, and went straight to Alagappan home.

Also, Surya told me of this Adyar Banyan Tree, which is around 450 years old and lies inside the campus of Theosophical society, Adyar. We thought of giving it a visit, but since it was Sunday, its closed.


We were discussing on what plants to buy, where to buy for more than an hour. And started to Adambakkam, the nearest place where we know of some nurseries. The Isha Nursery wont be having many flowering plants, and its closed on that day, so we went to some other Nursery and bought 4 plants (Ixora, Kangambaram and Roses) with 3 pots that costed around Rs. 400. We had 1 pot in our home and decided to use it.
Alagappan Gardening

We took all to home, then we hunted for sand and Organic fertilisers for remaining one plant/pot. After little search and some advice from our Field expert, Satish Bonthu, we collected enough of those.

Then the nursery work started in Alagappan's house Terrace. We took a broken Water Pot, split it into two, and put all the sand and Organic Fertilisers into it for the compositing to happen. By the time, Sridhar and Yuvaraj joined us.

We moved a part of this mixture to another pot and planted the remaining one Plant in it. It was all set perfect and I left to home around 9 PM.

Then FULL REST :-)

Fruits of our labour

Beautiful Rose (Shot by Alagappan)

Ixora Plant (Shot by Alagappan)

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Exhaustive but Awesome Weekend - Part 1

Had a very exhaustive but exciting, adventurous weekend last week.

Office Outing on 15th June, 2013 (Saturday)

An Office outing to VGP Golden Beach Resort was planned in my Office, Smaat Apps (recently rebranded from Maag Studios). This is the first Outing after I joined here. Everyone was told to come to the place sharply at 9 AM on their own.

The previous day everyone was planning on how to go and was getting paired up. I was asking Arun, and Arjun, if they could accompany me and I was ready to ride them. But they already had some other plans it seems. Finally, our awesome Unity Game Developer, Arvind Sudarshan raised his hands to join me and he was very eager to pedal.

I was wondering If we could make it there in my Cycle. But we always had an option of switching to public transit anytime.
Heavy Lifting Hero `Arvind Sudarshan`

Doubles in ECR

I started from home at 7:00 AM and reached Velachery by 7:30 AM. Arvind was waiting for me there and he cycled first. Because of my past experiences, I highly doubted If Arvind have the `thing` to share the pedal with me to VGP and I was also doubtful on myself that If I could pedal with him on my back.

But that day, we broke both my doubts and made it to VGP at 8:55 AM successfully. We stopped in between at 2 places: Tharamani and Thiruvanmiyur to have refreshments. After reaching the place, I was pretty much broke, but Arvind Sudarshan was in good shape.

Everyone else came together in their bikes at 9:00 AM and then we all went in.

Hari, Arun and Arjun playing Chess (yeah, 3 player Chess), with missing Pieces !!!

VGP Golden Beach Resort

We all had breakfast at first, then played Cricket for some time.
  • Myself, Rakesh, Arvind, Lakshmanan, Mohan, Thiru were in one team;
  • while Sree, Arun, Arjun, Shyam, Sankar were in the other;
  • Hari played the middle men.
It was a 8 over match and they bat first and took 37 runs. Our target is 38, and after a big struggle, we lost the match actually, but not our pride :P

Climate was too hot and everyone was totally exhausted after a match of Cricket. Then we went to a Hall, which looked like a Seminar Hall. Chairs were neatly arranged and we settled in there.
We split ourselves into 2 teams,
  • Team 1 includes myself, Angelina, Mohan, Thiru, Hari, Bharathi, Arun, Jayasree and Sankar
  • and the other Team included Rakesh, Krithiga, Shyam, Sujithra, Lakshmanan, Arvind, Vijayalakshmi, Anu, Arjun and Sree.

and started playing Dumb Sharads. It was super funny, with everyone getting up on stage, trying to explain a movie name with just action and their team trying to guess it. Then after an hour or so, Antakshari was started. As more time passes with Antakshari, I was getting really bored; the sea on the other side is calling me, with its sound of waves. Arvind also was pushing to go to sea.

Time passed fast and it was Lunch time (1:00 PM). We all had lunch and myself and Arvind Sudarshan escaped to  BEACH. As always, It was absolutely awesome there :-) We had really great fun. The hard waves, hot sun and our intense activities made us exhausted in 2 hours and we returned back and joined the bunch.
Smaat Apps - Full Team


Then we had Tea, biscuits and went back to our Hall for Partying (just Dance!!!) Though most of us are physically tired already, the scene and the crowd's Vibe brought in Energy for everyone from nowhere.

Though most of us have no idea of Dancing, we all `tried` something and it was great. Thiru, Arun and Sujithra danced well (I would say professionally), and when no one expected, our admin Jaya Sree, jumped in and danced sema kuthu. She went very really aggressive with her steps and danced awesome. No one expected that from her and she was great :-)

Shyam's aggressive steps, Lakshmanan's long jumps, Rakesh's acting, Angel mam's innovative Rounding steps, Krithiga's Hindi dance steps, Anu's (whatever she did), Bharathi's trial and error steps., Hari, Arjun and Sankar's Guest Visit... It was all so much fun !!! Watching all those videos now, was like watching some a bunch of Charlie Chaplin's in a single stage. I just couldn't stop laughing.

King of the Ring, in Carrom

The fun winded up by 5 with a Group photo and most left the resort; while myself, Arun, Sankar, Rakesh, Angelina, Krithiga, Lakshmanan, Thiru, Shyam went to beach and had some fun time there and we left around 6. Cycling back was little pretty exhaustive, but I made it back in an hour.

After such a physically draining (but mentally refreshing) day, I know I am not to rest the next day and it will be even more draining, about which I will write in my next post.