Saturday, May 25, 2013

What is true Love? 022 Realization and Acceptance

25th May 2011, Wednesday

List of Episodes @ Index

Two days passed, with loads and loads of internal thoughts and hard questions. Sai is evading his own questions for he is not able to face it. For a minute, Lets see whats going on in his mind.

Super Ego: "I just have only one questions and expect an honest answer here. Why you worry so much about her?"

Ego: "Its just compassion for a fellow human, who is in misery"

"Well said, Ego. I agree with it. But both you and I knows compassion is not the only reason and there is something more to it."

"Mr. SuperEgo. Please I need to focus on work here. Lets think about all this in evening."

"Boss, You already skipped two days like this. Lets think and conclude now itself. I can understand Hosana is our friend and we are all worried about her. But is this just a compassion for a suffering friend. Do you actually cry on seeing your friend suffering? ", says Super Ego.

Ego says "HELL!!!! I can't take it anymore. ok fine. Here you go. I LOVE HER and I believe it my LOVE FOR HER that makes me so worried and depressed."

Super Ego, "Ha.. Here comes the truth. Knowing her circumstances, DO YOU THINK ITS `RIGHT` FOR YOU TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER ???"

"Please Super Ego. Don't kill me with your questions. I am getting paid and have obligations to do my work here. Please let me focus on work. We will definitely think on this and sort it out today evening"

Heavy struggle in Saiyasodharan's mind. He wants to speak to her sometimes, but want to resist his feeling sometimes. No messages was being exchanged for past two days, though he dies to get an update from her. He couldn't resist any longer and texts, "Hi Hosana. How you doing? How are the wounds? Better?"

No replies!!!

He is to attend a Wedding Reception of his College Mate, Karthikeyan's sister in evening. But he cancels the plans and roams around the street of Saidapet, letting his personalities to think on the issue in hand.

Id, "Here is my thought. I LOVE HOSANA and I WANT HER. I repeat I LOVE HOSANA. Woow!! Spelling that name itself, gives me chills :-)"

Super Ego, "Curse you and your feelings. Your thoughts are highly corrupt and I won't allow this at any cost. I really didn't expect this from you Sai. I was thinking you as a guy, who is morally, ethically above an average man in many cases. I had such a big self pride. But you broke them all, with your cheap thoughts. Hosana among other trusts you so much Boss. But YOU WANT her, huh? BULLSHIT. What a complete crap you have become."

Ego, "ok ok. Enough. I agree with Super Ego. This is completely wrong, immoral and crap."

Id, “Ego, just think about her. Are you going to resist her? Fine. But I am worried about her health. You can just text her and ask how her health is. Will you pleaseeee.... ???”

Super Ego, “No way. This texting aint happening without my approval. As a friend, I will even allow you to call and talk for hours. But with this creepy thoughts in mind, you shouldn’t. You should completely move away from her at all costs.”

As above, Mr. Ego is being crushed by Id, Super Ego inside and practical difficulties outside. But its very obvious what the intention is, what the real feel is !!!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

What is true Love? 021 KCET Convocation Day - 2010 Batch

Date: 23rd May 2011, Monday

List of Episodes @ Index

Its Convocation day in Kamaraj College of Engineering (KCET) for 2005 - 2010 passout Batch students. Saiyasodharan told Hosana the day before to try and attend Convocation, since its a one time in life event. Given the situation (of Chicken Pox), its highly unlikely that she will be (or allowed to) going to college to attend the Convocation.

After reaching office, Saiyasodharan texts her, "Hi, Hope you are doing ok. Try to attend Convocation if you can. It won't come here after. and how are the wounds? Checked with doctor? Is it Chicken Pox for sure?"

No replies from her.

Raghul and Rooban Ponraj went to attend the Convocation and they were posting Photos in Facebook. Saiyasodharan is happy for them, but TOO MUCH WORRIED about Hosana.

In evening she replies, "Yes Sai. Chicken Pox is confirmed. Its too hot here and its too paining. So didn't go to convocation :-("

Sai, "oh kk.. Take Care Hosana."

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

What is true love? 020 Disease

Date: May 20, 2011

List of Episodes @ Index

20 May 2011 - Friday Evening

Its a friday evening. Rooban Ponraj and Saiyasodharan leaves office together.

Rooban Ponraj says "Sai, I still have works to finish. I think I will be coming tomorrow. Can you also come and accompany me"

Saiyasodharan says "hmmm.. ok fine. Tomorrow I got no special plans, other than small House errands in morning. Also, Hosana asked me for next set of Death Node episodes. I will give her and them come around 11."

21 May 2011 - Saturday Morning

Its Saturday. Saiyasodharan goes to her hostel and rings her phone. She came down with a yellowish face since she applied manjal all over her face.

Saiyasodharan says "Hosana. My search is over, atlast. I am enlightened. I found God."

Hosana "????"

"I meant to say Kali Amma is standing just before me with the deep yellow frightening face, I fits perfectly well."

"Enough Enough. Stop your non-sense jokes and give the Pen Drive. I have lots of cleanup things to do in Hostel."

He gives the pen drive and leaves to office.

22 May 2011 - Sunday

Sunday Morning Hosana texts Sai, "You should be having karu nakku. What you said has happened. I got Chicken Pox."

Saiyasodharan says "haha.. Thats a good one. But try something better."

"Its for Real. I am not sure of Chicken Pox, though most believe thats the case. I got wounds on hands and even one in my eye. Its paining Sai. I am leaving to Native today night."

"oh. Really!!! Don't worry, It might not be Chicken Pox, but some minor rashes and wounds because of heat. ok take care. bye"

Stuck Deep

After this discussion in Morning, Sai was very much disturbed, he is worried too much about Hosana. Her words "paining", "got wounds" keep ringing in Sai's ears. He was wishing it not be a Chicken Pox but rather something minor. He literally wants to get an update from her each minute. But on another thought, he realise that he is worrying too much. Time started moving very slowly. To pass time, he googles `Chicken Pox` and started reading random articles.

Somehow time passed and Saiyasodharan messages her in evening, "How you doing now?".

"Still the same, Sai."

"How will you go to Station. Shall I come to accompany you?", says Sai then he thought, "Hey. Don't you think you are going OVERBOARD. How dare you to ask like this without a thought."

"No worries Sai. Keethi will be accompanying me to Station."


Its 10 PM, Perfect time for Saiyasodharan to go to Heaven, which is his bed. He loves SLEEPING. But today he isn't, because of Random thoughts.

Its past 12 and Sai thinks, "Damn her,  Atleast she could have messaged me after boarding Train. I know the drill, I am not supposed to message after 10 PM. She is one heck of a `Conservative` !!! I am worried whether she would have slept in Train by now and still be awake because of the wounds."

Its highly contradictory with Sai that he couldn't sleep. No matter what happens (except for Gaming and Programming), he goes to sleep at 10 PM. but not this day. He wants to know Hosana's status. Time ticks and its past 1 PM.

He dumps the drill and texts her, "Hi, How you feeling now. Any better? Don't worry. It won't be Chicken Pox, but just some rashes."

No reply for some time and he goes to sleep.

Then he woke up around 5 PM. Takes the mobile, and saw new Message from Hosana

"Sai my eyes are burning"

That message stuck him HARD, not just hard but VERY HARD. He couldn't take it that she is in pain. His heart gets heavy suddenly and worst, he couldn't control but Few drops shed from his eyes. He wishes from the bottom of his heart, that Hosana should get cured soon and it shouldn't be Chicken Pox.

He replies, "Don't worry, I am still sure it won't be Chicken Pox. You will get cured soon. Take Care."

An hour pass with much depressed thoughts, when a flash of crazy question crosses his mind, followed by internal discussions in Sai's mind.

Super Ego: "Hey Sai, Why are you so much worried about her that you didn't sleep properly? that you couldn't handle her messages?"

Id: "Hey don't look at me. I am not responsible. I have few guesses, but I am not sure" (Id is all about physical needs / pleasure. Hungry, Thirst and of course, Sex)

Ego "Curse you all. I am just worried about her as a friend. I don't want to think anything, anymore. Lets Stop here"